With Arms Wide Open

 

Southpoint.  The windiest place on the Island....Ava and I were there in March, during our Spring Break. It was also the most beautiful place, with rolling green fields, horses, bulls, windmills...and lots of wind!

Ava stood with her arms wide open, hair blowing wildly, and her body pressed into the invisible, powerful, force.  There is so much I can learn from her trusting spirit.  There is so much that I am learning now from her!  I feel that I am in a season of learning to let down my guard, and trust....not just God but people as well.  The past two months have definitely stretched me to trust for finances....and I am still leaning on God's provision daily, and with every dollar that I need to come in.  However, I am learning that God wants me to trust Him more with my heart, and with the way that I view His people.  It has been so easy in the past for me to distrust the motives of people, and to judge them, and to worry that they are judging me.  I feel God calling me out of the "disease to please" that I have and into a new freedom.  Knowing that I am pleasing God is enough....I don't have to worry about pleasing people.  I DO have to love His people, but not acquire my identity and self worth from them.  

I was asked two questions by a friend last week: "what do I want in the next month?" and "Who am I?".  

It was very difficult for me to answer these two questions, and I was shocked....I thought, I definitely know who I am!  But I couldn't put it into words.  I was still worried about confidently saying what I want and who I am.  It was humbling, and a little discouraging.  However, my pastor here said that sometimes when we have difficulty expressing our ideas and opinions, it is because we don't want to feel judged.  I realized that I am still worried about being judged!  

So, I sat long and hard contemplating "Who God says I am" and what I really want.  At first I thought I wanted to be able to trust "people", until I realized that I only want to trust people so that I won't be hurt or judged.  So, what I really want, in the next month, or year, or years, is to be able to trust God.  He is the only one I need security from.  

So I am going to try to open my arms wide and un-guard my heart, and lean on the invisible, all powerful force of my Papa God.  I know He is going to provide ways for me to learn to trust Him with my heart, and I know that He will transform my mind, allowing me to trust Him.  

As far as who God says I am...I am Elysia...."Perfect" in His eyes.  I am just a woman trying to get to know my Papa, and trying to love Him with all of my heart.